Dark and lovely am I

In this crazy season of my life one thing that I have really enjoyed is hearing very profound and moving words from the Lord.  I feel like I have come out of a very dry season where I heard nothing but the mocking voices in my head laughing at me bc I couldnt hear his voice.  So hearing and revelation is a beautiful and relieving thing right now! 

About a week ago, I was laying on my bed and I felt the Lord as if He was sitting in front of me.  He asked me a gentle question, "when was the last time you quieted your heart before me?"  I answered Him and said "I cant remember...I havent"  Then gently He said " All I want you to do is sit here and look at me....just look at me"  "If you look at me you see nothing else"  

 I was hit with such a revelation of Him.....that means if He wants me to look at Him....then in return He wants to look at me too. 

I have been blessed to be able to sit under teaching from Pastors and leaders about the Song of Solomon and how it relates to our relationship to the Lord.  How the Lord describes his "bride" and how He sees us despite how we see ourselves.  A verse I like to dwell on is ,"Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon"  In that verse she is describing how she has been darkened by the cares of the world and by the sin in her heart.  But she is also describing her understanding that even in her darkness, her Lord sees her as lovely and beautiful.  I am dumbfounded by that!   

Obviously when I look at Jesus I see every good thing and I am overwhelmed with His deep love.  But could it be that when He looks at me (you) He sees profound beauty in the weakness and search for him?....Yes I think so.  Is it hard to grasp? Yes! But I am willing.  I am more comfortable with just sitting there looking at Him and seeing His love.  I would rather He didnt look at me.  But perhaps if I saw myself then way He sees me then maybe it wouldnt matter so much.   I am dark yet lovely.

Tongue Tied

So this is my first blog....ever.  I have never been one to be open up enough to sit down and actually write my thoughts and inner battles down for others to see.  Most blogs are fun and light hearted. I have chosen this blog to be more focused on more serious matters and maybe what the Lord is doing in my heart......and what better time to start but now :)

I feel like I have a lot to say but I also feel like this is a time in life where I need to talk less....much less.  Seems like there is a little too much going on in this heart of mine and when I open my mouth....good things dont come out...here it is more controlled and filtered. :)

I seem to be hurting people with my words lately and it is totally not intentional.  Its just whats happening.  By the time I have said what I have said, its already too late. Doh! ugh!  seriously? Did that JUST come out of my mouth?!   This continuous pattern has gripped my attention and caused me to look at  the situation with concern. I was coming home from church tonight and this verse kept coming to my mind over and over.... "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence"  I mostly focused on the muzzle part.......yes a muzzle.  A little harsh yes but the thing is, is that the people I love are in my presence so to me its that much more important to do whatever it takes me keep my tongue from sinning.  I dont feel like the Lord is saying "Hey..you...wear a muzzle"  But I do feel like the Lord is saying "Lets do less talking for a while"  Not too long ago the Lord asked me to quiet my heart before Him....I believe this is part of it.  
I will admit that this will be extremely uncomfortable for me......to just stand there and not say much is.....well I cant even put words to it.  But it makes me cringe.  I dont like it.  
There is a verse in Job that I like a lot and for now it sums everything up.  "Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong.   And so it begins.